I broke up.
Not long after my birthday.
Not long after I received my sweet 21st surprise birthday, my first ever birthday surprise.
From my best friend and him.
I still remember every moment of that day like it was yesterday. Well, it did though happened around 3 weeks ago.
And 2 weeks after that.
I heard a death sentence towards my feelings for him.
That my love for him should be terminated.
When our sweet relationships almost touched its 9th months of life.
Because our love held no future for us
I was speechless.
That moment when my mouth failed to deliver my feelings, my tears knew what to do.
Until this very moment when I wrote this.
Maybe that was how a mother felt when she was ought to sacrifice her baby.
For the sake of her, the father. And families of each.
Both of us wanted to be one. A parent. Together
Both of us wanted to have one. A family. Together
We were too naive, too blinded by our feelings that there were a great thing that always been an obstacle for us.
Instead arguing about that, we were fighting about other things that seemed too little if I was reminded about it then.
That obstacle lurking behind us with every steps we took together during our almost 9 months together.
It called difference of faith.
Did it matter that much?
We loved each other
We understand each other
We forgot that before becoming a parent, before making a family of our own
We had parents and family on each of our side
Who didnt know how long and how deep we were in this relationship together
Because we werent open about us
Because we were afraid of seeing the truth
Because our parent knew the truth
They could see it
They have been living in this world far long before us
To able to understand that in our country with its culture
Love enough wont survive
It needs to be acknowledged from each of our family side
Especially our parents
When they said no
Because of our belief is just different
And because of how one lives ones belief, just couldnt have others acceptance
Did our difference matter that much?
And no meant no
What could we do?
We still love each other
At least I do
Every second of everyday
Haunted by the sight of him
Even we had planned to finish a list of ours together
It wasnt finished yet
What could we do?
I still love you
But I cannot leave my God
You still love me, you said
And I could feel it you know?
From your eyes, the way you looked at me
From your touch, the way you held my hands
From the way you talked to me, always out with such endearment to my name
You cannot leave your God as well
I understand that.
I never asked you to leave yours from the beginning.
You never asked me to leave mine
Or the way I worshipped my God.
Because we valued each others belief
But we were such a fool
To be full, as a partner of life
That part called belief to God should be encouraged as well
Should be alive in our every day and future plans
Not just left behind
And we seek it only when we wished to
Not like that
Now I have to able to live
Throuh the pain of imagining
You with someone else
That your kind and loving look will no longer be mine
That your warm hand would never touched me in such loving manner
That you never said I love you to me anymore
Because you found another love in your life
I wish you for your happiness
And for mine too
And for us to be able to be happy together
Even when we werent there for each other