Broken

I broke up.

Not long after my birthday.
Not long after I received my sweet 21st surprise birthday, my first ever birthday surprise.
From my best friend and him.

I still remember every moment of that day like it was yesterday. Well, it did though happened around 3 weeks ago.

And 2 weeks after that.
I heard a death sentence towards my feelings for him.
That my love for him should be terminated.
When our sweet relationships almost touched its 9th months of life.
Because our love held no future for us

I was speechless.
That moment when my mouth failed to deliver my feelings, my tears knew what to do.
It flowed.
Endlessly.
Until this very moment when I wrote this.

Devastated. Grieving.
Maybe that was how a mother felt when she was ought to sacrifice her baby.
For the sake of her, the father. And families of each.

Family.
Parents.
Both of us wanted to be one. A parent. Together
Both of us wanted to have one. A family. Together

But

We forgot.
We were too naive, too blinded by our feelings that there were a great thing that always been an obstacle for us.
Instead arguing about that, we were fighting about other things that seemed too little if I was reminded about it then.

That obstacle lurking behind us with every steps we took together during our almost 9 months together.

It called difference of faith.

Did it matter that much?
We loved each other
We understand each other
Yet
We forgot that before becoming a parent, before making a family of our own

We had parents and family on each of our side
Who didnt know how long and how deep we were in this relationship together
Because we werent open about us
Because we were afraid of seeing the truth

Because our parent knew the truth
They could see it
They have been living in this world far long before us
To able to understand that in our country with its culture

Love enough wont survive

It needs to be acknowledged from each of our family side
Especially our parents

When they said no
Because of our belief is just different
And because of how one lives ones belief, just couldnt have others acceptance

So
Did our difference matter that much?
Yes
Very much
And no meant no

What could we do?
We still love each other
At least I do

Every place
Every second of everyday
Haunted by the sight of him

Even we had planned to finish a list of ours together
It wasnt finished yet

What could we do?

I still love you
But I cannot leave my God

You still love me, you said
And I could feel it you know?
From your eyes, the way you looked at me
From your touch, the way you held my hands
From the way you talked to me, always out with such endearment to my name

But
You cannot leave your God as well

I understand that.
I never asked you to leave yours from the beginning.
You never asked me to leave mine
Or the way I worshipped my God.
Because we valued each others belief

But we were such a fool

To be full, as a partner of life
That part called belief to God should be encouraged as well
Should be alive in our every day and future plans
Not just left behind
And we seek it only when we wished to
No
Not like that

Now I have to able to live
Throuh the pain of imagining

You with someone else

That your kind and loving look will no longer be mine
That your warm hand would never touched me in such loving manner
That you never said I love you to me anymore

Because you found another love in your life

I wish you for your happiness
And for mine too

And for us to be able to be happy together

Even when we werent there for each other

love god him break up hurt

doctorswithoutborders:

Medical care has come under fire in South Sudan. Over 6 months, at least 58 people were killed on hospital grounds, including 25 patients and at least 2 Ministry of Health staff. Ambulances, medical equipment and hospitals were burned, looted, and destroyed. And hundreds of thousands of people have been cut off from health care. 

Another devastating fact erupted from an ongoing inhuman rage

doctorswithoutborders:

Medical care has come under fire in South Sudan. Over 6 months, at least 58 people were killed on hospital grounds, including 25 patients and at least 2 Ministry of Health staff. Ambulances, medical equipment and hospitals were burned, looted, and destroyed. And hundreds of thousands of people have been cut off from health care. 

Another devastating fact erupted from an ongoing inhuman rage

health facility healthcare

doctorswithoutborders:

Photo by Michael Goldfarb/MSF
The operating theater in  Doctors Without Borders’/Médecins Sans Frontières’ (MSF) hospital in the town of Leer in Unity State, South Sudan, was destroyed and ransacked.  Since armed conflict erupted in South Sudan in December, at least 58 people have been killed on hospital grounds, and hospitals have been ransacked or burned on at least six occasions. The hospital in Leer was the only facility providing secondary healthcare, including surgery and treatment for HIV and tuberculosis, in an area with approximately 270,000 people.

doctorswithoutborders:

Photo by Michael Goldfarb/MSF

The operating theater in  Doctors Without Borders’/Médecins Sans Frontières’ (MSF) hospital in the town of Leer in Unity State, South Sudan, was destroyed and ransacked.  Since armed conflict erupted in South Sudan in December, at least 58 people have been killed on hospital grounds, and hospitals have been ransacked or burned on at least six occasions. The hospital in Leer was the only facility providing secondary healthcare, including surgery and treatment for HIV and tuberculosis, in an area with approximately 270,000 people.

"One of the ability that I would like to master is: Reading in a car without feeling nauseated afterwards. Getting rid of these motion sickness would totally made my life more awesome"
- my thought

motion sickness reading car wish

"The safest way to keep a secret, I think, is to keep it between you and God."
- just me thinking

secret